It’s been a little over two months since Miss Sam left the public school system. The biggest criticism I receive in regards to our decision to home school is in reference to her being able to maintain social connections. I do have responses to these questions which range from polite questioning to rude inferences that my daughter will grow up to be a social misfit. Many of these responses I have learned through conversations with and blog posts by Heather (thanks!).
I must confess however, that to some degree, I am concerned. Not so much about Miss Sam’s social skills but in her ability to make and maintain friendships. And not friendships for a lifetime but ‘friends’ for a moment in time. This is one of the reasons we visit a therapist every other week in the bigger, bigger city.
Miss Sam has been very adamant about not wanting to be around kids her age. The only kid her age that she is comfortable with is her friend from kindergarten. In fact, he was just over the other day for a few hours. My concern is that, since leaving the public school system, when I have suggested any type of ‘group’ activity that involves kids her own age she ‘shuts’ down.
The many weeks following her meltdown that resulted in her now being at home have been stressful from the ‘social’ aspect. An always ‘touchy’ subject with ‘suggestions’ misfiring and exploding.
Until this week.
Several days ago Miss Sam and I had a lengthy conversation – basically she asked me to ‘listen without getting mad’ at what she had to say about ‘my ideas of friends and friendships for her’. FINALLY! She was willing to talk. I was willing to listen. I’m thankful that the stars were in alignment that day as much was understood and many compromises were made.
The fruits of that conversation were harvested yesterday.
Not really wanting to go, but because of compromises promised, Miss Sam reluctantly packed our beach bag and we set out for the community pool. There were two kids around Miss Sam’s age playing in the pool. I could see Miss Sam ‘shut down’ immediately. My first reaction was to lecture. God led me to ‘listen’. Listen to what she was feeling and help her understand that perhaps these kids were feeling the same way about ‘making new friends’. And I swam away to the other end of the pool.
As I turned around I can’t tell you how proud I was to see Miss Sam ‘inching’ her way towards the other two kids. And blessfully they welcomed her with splashes and ‘let’s race’.
All I heard on the ride home was ‘I had so much fun today!’.
Me too.
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11 Comments
Congratulations on listening to God’s prompting! What a blessing you received!
Have a great week!
you know, i have to think that’s fairly normal not to want to play with kids your own age.. i think afterall, school is the only place where you are really segregated by your age group… i was not one who played with my people my own age very well.. most of my friends are older… at least 5 years….
I am glad she did play with the other kids.. it’s scary for some of us to do that!
She is way ahead of where I was at her age then. It took me until I was a mother to be in the place she is in now–it is like that for introverts, especially introverts who have been scarred by traditional forms of “socialization” for children. It will take time for her to get comfortable in her own skin again (it took me until 4 years ago.:))
Yay!
Hugs,
Holly
I could fill books on having a child who doesn’t follow everyone else’s ‘drummer.’ My daughter has always been uniquely herself. I think a lot of it has to do with her level of intelligence because she’s almost scary at times with how smart she is. It took her YEARS to figure out how to interact with people. At the age of almost 32, she still has problems at times because she finds it hard to relate. But, for the most part, she’s come to terms with it as well as she can. She gets depressed at times and deals with anxiety. But she’s formed a basic core of friends who accept her as she is and love her for who she is. We don’t have to have a bazillion friends in life…to me, a few excellent friends is much more satisfying than a whole bunch of surface ‘fluff’. Miss Sam will find her way, Danielle. You’re learning how important listening is, and my daughter has told me thru the years how much it’s meant to have me as a mom who has listened without passing judgment. They don’t need ‘feedback’. They just need love and acceptance. If they feel pressure from us, too…well, there is no safe space for them in this world. They need to know that we, at least, are on their side. And even if we don’t always understand what/how they’re feeling, having the security of knowing we love them just as they are gives them balance.
I was painfully shy at her age. I also had difficulty making friends.
I’m so glad you followed God’s prompting and trusted. That is great, for the both of you!
Baby steps! woohoo!! That is really outstanding.
Good luck to you in homeschooling. If you’d like some good ideas and resources let me know. ..7th grade through high school, remember?
PS. I got accepted at school this week!! I’m nearly ready for my first semester in the fall. Can you believe it?!!! I cried when I registered.
Yay, you for giving Miss Sam the room she needed to grow. And yay Miss Sam for moving out of her comfort zone to do some growing.
I’m so glad to hear Sam is ‘getting out there’. I loathed social interaction at her age. Good for you for giving her the space that she needs. Good Mommy!
I’m so glad that going to the pool worked out for your daughter. Socialization is a scary thing for adults, too. My son struggles with it and I told him that honestly I do too. I love joining new classes at church and getting to know people, but I’m so nervous to walk over and sit down next to someone and even start a conversation.
It sounds like you handled that beautifully.