During a heated argument today while in the bigger bigger city trying to come to terms with my father-in-law’s illness and care needs, a treasured family member threw a fiery arrow at my heart. This dear person’s words were “How could you possibly know about caring for ones parents when you haven’t spoken to your parents in years!”.
For the record. I did not abandon my parents. They abandoned me.
Also for the record. If you ever want to strike a blow to me that will shatter me into a million tiny pieces that can never be recovered and will leave me broken beyond repair. Just throw the same fiery arrow at me that my sister-in-law did.
If you have never experienced the abandonment of a parent you can never understand the void it leaves. A void that can never be healed, filled, or forgotten. No matter how you grow. No matter how you forgive. No matter who you have in your life that loves you.
That void is the bullseye you want to hit to destroy me.
I am shattered and I am much too tired to pick up the pieces right now.
10 Comments
That pain I know–mine is slightly different but it is there all the same. Praise the Lord that HE CAN and WILL fix it.
I’m so sorry. I know that it must hurt so badly when a family member says those kind of things.
The best sermon my husband ever preached was called “Words that Hurt/Words that Heal”. We throw those words that hurt right off our tongues with little or no thought about the person receiving them. This made me extremely SAD!
Sounds like you both are hurting badly. My love to you.
“In the long run, it’s not a question of whether they deserve to be forgiven. You’re not forgiving them for their sake. You’re doing it for yourself. For your own health and well-being, forgiveness is simply the most energy-efficient option. It frees you from the incredibly toxic, debilitating drain of holding a grudge. Don’t let these people live rent free in your head. If they hurt you before, why let them keep doing it year after year in your mind? It’s not worth it but it takes heart effort to stop it. You can muster that heart power to forgive them as a way of looking out for yourself. It’s one thing you can be totally selfish about.”
~Doc Childre and Howard Martin, The HeartMath Solution
Perhaps Deb Batog should keep her comments to you OFF the blog. That is not the place to air family disagreements or to throw additional harpoons.
Danielle you have my heartfelt empathy – no matter what has happened in the past, the way the two women in your life are handling things right now is not appropriate.
I’m so sorry for all the hurts.
Hugs,
Holly
Danielle,
So, so sorry that your sister-in-law could make such a callous and hurtful comment. Unfortunately, it’s far too easy sometimes, in the heat of anger, to let those fiery darts fly–forgetting, in our heightened emotional state, that they can never be recalled.
This is one reason why sensitivity to the feelings of others is so very important. It can help us avoid letting those perpetually hurtful words pass our lips in the first place, causing emotional devastation to other already-hurting people. I feel your pain. Yet, the one I pity more is your sister-in-law. Her position is not an enviable one.
Praying God’s Spirit would comfort your aching heart. Only He–both directly and through the love and care of His people–can pick up the shattered pieces and fit them back together to create a new and blessed whole–one that’s better, stronger, and more beautiful than it was before the damage was done.
It’s a miracle, to be sure, but one in which He specializes; because He was a “man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.” So hang on to that hope–because “hope is the anchor of the soul.”
Love and prayers,
Jeanne
Oh…… this is so painful. I cannot really say more. In person, an embrace would be yours.
I had two jerk fathers and they both abandoned me (after they abused and tormented me) and I somewhat feel, my mother, in her poor mental health abandoned me as well. I raised myself and my siblings. I’m almost 40 years old and I was telling my sister the other day on the phone, that some day I would like for divorce and the anguish I have from my childhood, to NOT be a part of my identity. Does that make sense? What happened so long ago is such a big part of me now. I hate that. I’ve forgiven, moved on and have a wonderful life now, but it still hurts. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of it.