Kimberly from That’s My Answer has some interesting questions up for today. The one that caught my mood was:
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
For me it would seem that the answer is not simple. It would become complicated. It would get tangled up in the rational and the irrational. It would change as my perspective changed. My perspective would change as I would shift from the rational to the irrational. As I would shift from the forgivable to the not the forgotten.
But today, it came to me simply.
What I would change about how I was raised was how we were taught that, as siblings, we were not each others’ friends or confidants. We were conditioned to view each other as the enemy. We were (and continue to be) pitted against each other by a woman who needed (and continues to need) us individually more than we needed (and need) each other as a family.
That’s what I would change. My conditioned definition of family.
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12 Comments
Fascinating. Yes I can imagine that happening, I have seen it happen in other families. In our case the parents played us off each other, which was nearly as bad but not as destructive in general since we kids bound together.
Hi Danielle,
I didn’t have it that way. My issue was being neglected entirely having to grow myself up as it were. As you know, I was considerably older when my siblings appeared on the scene so they were treated like children because they were to me. I cannot imagine being conditioned to feeling emnity toward my sister. It is unthinkable. Our Lord is a father to the fatherless. Those are the words that resonated within me when I came to the Lord. They sustain me. He is enough for us. God Bless…
I’m just catching up… a little behind and slow these last couple of weeks. Congrats on getting the car in the garage! Want to come help me find mine? LOL I think the best lessons we teach ourselves and I think they often come by answering basic questions like this.
Hugs,
Holly
If I could do it all over….. I would have more of a backbone and think for myself instead of everyone telling me HOW things were.
My childhood was generally happy, so I cannot be much help here. It does continue to sadden me about your family situation. I think it must say something about the human condition.
I was very blessed with great parents and strong family, but if I could do two things differently, I would have asked for a church that taught more grace than law and been nicer to my sister.
Your parents and my grandmother should go out for drinks some time…my mom and her twin are STILL pitted against each other constantly
I had to go visit that blog- ended up adding it to my Friends page- looks like fun!
When we were growing up my Dad and stepmom had nothing to do with my Grandfather. I had seen him a few times while my parents were still married but not after they divorced and my Dad remarried. It was twenty years before I saw my Grandfather again. I was so nervous on the trip to Maine that he would simply wish we had left well enough alone. But, my husband and I and all six of our kids went to visit him. How I wish I had never lost those twenty years with him! He’s gone now, and though we did not have many years, the ones we had gave us time to build some wonderful memories.
Hugs, Danielle. My brother and I became closer when, as teenagers, we began to see our parents as something of a common enemy.
My brother and I don’t get along, but that is a situation of our own making. I find it hard to imagine being intentionally pitted against him. If I could change any thing, it would be to have a better relationship with him from a young age.
How sad. I am an only child and due to attending boarding school lost touch with what family I did have. I think having brothers and sisters should have been a wonderful experience it is a shame.
It would be that family was not something to be avoided - I rarely saw my grandmothers or cousins (we did live a great distance away most of the time) and it seemed that my dad just wasn’t interested in our being close.
I wish my Dad had been different and that my mom had been more aware. Beyond that I cannot say more.