In my home this is actually a sign of a very healthy psyche. It says to me:

• I am out enjoying life and not stuck at home doing dishes
• I am comfortable with certain aspects of my life being out of control
• I am not driving myself crazy by trying to control areas that are in my control
• I am not yelling at my family about what slobs they are and how they make life more difficult for me when they don’t clean up after themselves (grin)
• I am not ashamed to show the world that I love who I am and who I am not

It has been an unusual week for me. I have had more contact with my side of the family in two days than I have in four years.

For some of you that may have missed it, one of my sisters left a comment on a post regarding her recent diagnosis of uterine cancer. I have since deleted the comment, not because of any negative connotations but because it was merely a vehicle for her to advise me to make sure I have any symptoms of uterine cancer checked out. I pray that this is a window of opportunity to re-connect.

I also received a phone call from my father wanting me to pick up some items from their house as they are considering moving. He wanted to know if I would want some of the things that I had left over there. While making arrangements for all this my mother answered the phone once or twice. Of course there was no exchange of words between us, merely my instructions that I need to speak with my dad. However, I had not heard her voice in over three (or is it four already?) years so it was rather disconcerting.

This week I also stepped inside their home. My mother was well hidden in her ‘safe’ space and occupied by conversation with Miss Sam. However, I knew she was listening to every word that was being communicated between me and my father in the other room. This is not written with any malice. It is just how she is. As she so often stated to us as children, ‘she doesn’t miss a trick’.

My father gave me (at my request) the scrapbook I made for him chronicling his military career so that I can make a copy of it. Turning the pages and reading what was written about a man I know and understand so little about and who knows and understands so little about me was emotional to say the least.

I mention all this, because these are all triggers for me. Triggers into a world of psychological unrest. Triggers into a world wrought with anxiety and panic attacks. Triggers into a world that blindsides me with glimpses of memories from a time that can’t be remembered. Triggers that understand what happened to me as a child, even though I don’t know myself. Triggers into a world that can so easily spiral out of control.

I mention all this, because although these are all triggers for me, I am not spiraling. I am on even footing and a firm foundation. This is something I have never experienced before and it is awesome.

In accordance with my personal wellness plan, I did take a mental health day today. A day to process the events of this week in a healthy manner not hindered by the ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’ of a busy schedule. But I suppose I should really re-label it as a ‘department of health day’ as I really need to clean that kitchen before the dogs report me (giggle)!

So I know this looks bad, but….all is well. My brain hasn’t exploded, my heart doesn’t ache, and my blessings are counted – to include my filthy, nasty, kitchen.

Today’s ‘Around the Square’ is: Heather from Dooce. I am fairly certain that she needs no introduction. Heather has been around for a long time out here in the blogoshere. In fact, you may have read about her. She is the one that got fired from her job for writing about it on her blog. This was several years ago…and by golly look at her now. Although I never comment over there and she has no idea who I am (her readership is probably in the millions and her comments exceed 5,000 at times!!)….I remain loyal and addicted regardless. I love viewing her Daily Photo, Daily Chuck, and Daily Style (especially since about a year ago she brought an aussie shepherd puppy into the mix – who looks just like our Snickers). I have written about this addiction before here….but why not click on over and have some fun she is always good for some tongue in cheek humor!

Today I am grateful: that I misunderstood at Miss Sam’s last orthodontist appointment about having to pay $160 for her retainer. Yesterday we learned that it was all included. So what did we do with that unexpected windfall blessing?

• spent $43.00 at the bookstore (duh, that was a no brainer)
• pigged out at Chili’s with our favorite chips and salsa, boneless buffalo chicken and the molten chocolate cake!!!
• bought a five shelf bookcase for Miss Sam (grin)

Today I am going to simplify my life: by just having one homeschool lesson today. I did say that it was a ‘mental health day’ did I not?????? The homeshool lesson for today??? Shop class…we are going to try and put that bookshelf together (check back tomorrow to see if any limbs were lost).

As always, thank you so much for stopping by and saying hello. I always love that you do!!!!