I recently received an email from my mother:
Subject: Your Blog
Based on experience I chose to delete this email without reading it. I made this choice not out of disrespect but out of love. Love for my husband and daughter. I did not want to bring her words to life. Words that would undoubtedly prove to be hurtful. I did not want her anger to hurt me or my family.
Because of the attention that posts such as this one receive from my mother/siblings I began to explore my continual need to write about my experiences/perspectives towards my parents and siblings. During some very introspective moments I had begun to explore a certain developmental theory of childhood development. The theory that:
If left with no choice between no attention or negative attention, children will seek out negative attention.
As I continued to ponder this theory as it may apply to me, a significant part of my rational mind responded ~ I don’t think this is true as it applies to me for the following reasons:
I have had several blogs over almost four years now where I have explored my complicated family history/present day events.
I have always been open (except for the period where I wrote under a pseudonym and had a ‘private’ blog) about what was once anger to what is now only sadness in regards to my complicated family dynamics.
I wrote my blogs and continue to write this blog, with the knowledge that my family may possibly read it.
Therefore, the words I write in regards to my non-relationship with family members, are not intended as cries for attention or character assassinations. I do regret that the words I write may anger some individuals. For this I apologize. I do not write to instigate or inflame. I write what I consider to be ‘my truths’, my experiences, my perspectives.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
My blog is my platform to explore and document past and current experiences and dreams for the future. Experiences and dreams as a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother and ultimately a woman.
Again, I never mean any disrespect towards my readers, whether they are family or non-family. Although I may dislike many things about the actions/behaviors of others at particular points in time, this dislike does not define itself as hate. ‘Dislike’ is merely a word that best describes negative emotions towards negative behaviors. It does not mean that there is a lack of love. If there was a lack of love then there would be no feelings/reactions whatsoever in regards to the actions/behaviors.
I will continue to write, explore, and express myself through my blog.
It is the reader’s choice to read what I write or to disregard what I have to say and move on.
10 Comments
I applaud your decision. I am working on not worrying about offending people on mine. It’s hard tho sometimes because I know people from my church read it and there are times I want to vent about church and it doesn’t happen because I don’t want them to read it. It’s slightly annoying. LOL!
I am hoping to get my blog straightened out so I can start posting again. I’m just not liking it, so I might perhaps go back to blogger until I get it all worked out.
Make no apologies for freeing your thoughts in a space of your very own.
It’s hard when private thoughts are shared in a “public way”…but as you say, it’s the reader’s perogative NOT to read. I find myself editing my blog rather regularly based on the reader. Perhaps this is why I stopped for a while. But, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is my place. It is not a malicious place. It is a place of sorting out and learning and being…just like yours is. So glad you had the strength to hit delete. I know this has been quite a journey for you.
Hugs,
Susan
You absolutely should be able to be as free as you want on your own blog. These words are your truth and should be respected as that.
You go girl! Ha, anti spam is win.
Danielle,
I think it’s very brave of you to continue to write your thoughts despite your mother and other family members “stalking” you online.
Tamara (Desire to Heal) has had the exact same problem with her mother. And, because of the stress of dealing with it, has been taking a break since the end of May.
Personally, I’m stunned that both of your mothers read your blogs when they’ve caused both of you so much pain.
Our blogs are so personal and so important to us. I have no idea why anyone who’s not supportive would read them nor write emails about them.
How distressing! What a trooper you are! I have the utmost respect for the strength with which you’re handling all this.
Hugs to you from Los Angeles.
Love,
Susan
I really admire your ability to delete an e-mail you knew would be hurtful to you without reading it. Yay!
As one of your long time readers, I know what you’ve gone through to get to this point. And you’re right.
I’ve also learned this week, as an aspiring author, sometimes we need to watch what we say on such a public forum because who knows who is reading, and how it could “hurt” us. I know my mother reads my blog, and a few other of my family members on both sides do. While I rein in some of what I want to say about them, I do let them know how much I’ve grown and show how their lives have impacted me in certain ways, negative or positive.
You are absolutely not alone. I receive remarks and comments about things that someone I know has read and I have learned to just ignore them. Your blog is your space, your personal outlet, your journal and anything else you make it to be! I am glad you are staying around! Who would read all of my recipes if you left!??
For the same reasons, I usually don’t share my blog with family members or close friends.
I am so sorry you have had to take this step but completely understand. Blogging is a very personal thing. I have had to be so careful in the past with my own, for different reasons but nevertheless it is very difficult to censor yourself when you are writing as a vent in the first place. I am glad you are continuing and doing so in the least hurtful way possible for your family.