The challenges and losses that our family has experienced and continue to experience this year have influenced our perspectives  as we continue to make changes and re-evaluate what is significant in living a life well-lived.

So I was driving my car yesterday at 40 mph down a two lane road when suddenly out of nowhere my gas pedal, my brakes, and my steering wheel quit working. It was horrifying. No other words for it. It was like entering a time warp in a bad movie.

But that’s not what this post is about. This post is about how God works in ways that we are never certain of, even when events are what one would consider to be ‘horrifying’.

The breakdown of my car’s power system yesterday lasted only about three minutes but it seemed like a lifetime as I swerved towards trees, traffic, and the unknown. I am thankful that I was alone in the car and that Miss Sam was safe at home.

Mr. John and I took the car into the local Toyota dealer this morning only to be told that if it wasn’t happening at this exact moment there was nothing they could do about checking what may have gone wrong. What was suggested was that they have an employee drive my car for a week to see if it happens again. WHAT?!?!

So Mr. John decided he would drive my car for a week to see if it shuts down again. With this in mind he thought he would take it to our local automotive shop and have the overdue oil changed.

Well. Well. Well.

If we thought my car was a hazard because of the power outage incident, then we definitely were made aware during the ‘standard oil check’ that I was not just driving a car that was possibly a hazard on the road, but it was a definite death trap.

Turns out that the front tires were worn down on the inside (where you can’t see them) to almost metal, an indicator that there is an alignment problem – not to mention the tire situation all by itself.

So there you go.

A thoughtful reminder from God that He is always in control.

If not for the power outage, Mr. John would never have had my car, therefore my car would not have found it’s way to the automotive shop where we found the tire/alignment deficits. The local automotive shop is keeping our car overnight to replace the tires, do an alignment, and do a thorough check on what may have caused the power to go out.

Yesterday our family was giving thanks for what could have happened but didn’t. Today we are giving thanks for what did happen and what God made sure didn’t.

Praise God for his thoughtful reminders and his subtle miracles.

Thanksgiving afternoon, Miss Sam became a full fledged member of the Panic Disorder Club. If you have never experienced a panic attack, nothing I could write here would help you to understand this debilitating disorder. If you are a member of this club, there is no need to underscore the fact that it is terrifying, both for the individual experiencing one and for those that love them.

When I first realized what Miss Sam was spiraling into Thanksgiving afternoon, I became thankful that I am a long standing member of this alarming club. Although I was limited in my ability to help (as those who know someone with Panic Disorder can testify), I was able, through my personal experience, to implement a few “homegrown” techniques that helped at that particular moment to diffuse her symptoms into a more manageable state.

Later that evening however, Miss Sam had a second panic attack which required her to go to the emergency room. One of the unique and complicating factors of Miss Sam experiencing a panic attack is that it co-occurs with an asthma attack. This made it difficult for even the attending physician to determine an effective plan of action. Because of this, the physician was very thorough with tests and treatment. For that we are very grateful.

Miss Sam is doing much better. Mr. John stayed home with her yesterday while I went to Cedar Key on a photo field trip. Today Miss Sam requested her own “photo field trip” to her beloved wild life park, where just for today she wants to be a “tourist”.

Miss Sam and I have both chosen to not be medicated for this disorder. I, because of my years of personal experience, already have my own management plan in place. Today, by getting Miss Sam behind the camera lens again, we are going to start a path toward developing what will be her own management plan. We both know that what works for me may not work for her, but it gives us a starting point.

Thinking back on the experiences of the past few days I recall some wise words that I read recently written by one of my favorite authors (I know, I have soooo many) Charles Swindoll:

“I have found great help from two truths God gave me at a time in my life when I was bombarded with a series of unexpected and unfair (from my perspective) blows. In my darkest hours these principles become my anchor of stability, my only means of survival.

…Because they worked for me, I pass them on to you…

Nothing touches me that has not passed through the hands of my heavenly Father. Nothing. Whatever occurs, God has sovereignly surveyed and approved. We may not know why (we may never know why), but we do know our pain is no accident to Him who guides our lives. He is, in no way, surprised by it all. Before it ever touches us, it passes through Him.

Everything I endure is designed to prepare me for serving others more effectively. Everything. Since my heavenly Father is committed to shaping me into the image of His Son, He knows the ultimate value of this painful experience. It is a necessary part of the preparation process. It is being used to empty our hands of our own resources, our own sufficiency, and turn us back to Him – the faithful Provider. And God knows what will get through to us. Charles Swindoll, from Improving Your Serve.

Hope everyone survived Black Friday!!!

I was looking through the book section of one of my favorite second hand stores and came up with another gem of a book. I started reading the first chapter while waiting for Miss Sam to find her way out of the Play and Trade Video Game store. It made such an impact on me that I feel compelled to share much of what I read:

“We live in an era of growing tension. The tempo of modern life is not conducive to rest and relaxation, and man is afflicted with many lurking fears and uncertainties that our forefathers never knew. This is partly because man’s little community has been widened to take in the whole world. Daily he hears of happenings in lands across the seas….and he is made to feel that these things sooner or later will most certainly affect his security and peace.

Besides concern for these things abroad he feels the impact of changes that are taking place all about him. Nothing seems to be stable. Government, business, labor, society – all are being affected by revolutionary ideas. We are told that most of man’s inner conflicts come from his feeling of insecurity. No wonder then that one writer states that modern man is “stricken by psychic anxieties, cloven by emotional conflicts, beset by economic insecurities, assailed by political doubts and cynicisms.”

The growing quest for peace of mind is a most significant phase of modern life. This is evidenced in the large number of books and magazine articles on this subject appearing in recent years. A cursory glance at best-seller nonfiction books indicates a definite trend in this direction. Such titles as Peace of Mind, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Making Our Minds Behave, How Sane Are You? A Guide to Confident Living, Road to Survival, Peace of Soul, The Mature Mind, Don’t Be Afraid, reveal a widespread desire for tranquillity and inner peace in these uncertain and chaotic times.

… The More They Stay The Same…..

I didn’t find this in a book written this year. I didn’t find this in a book written during the past five years. In fact, I didn’t find this in a book written even in this decade.

The previous words were written in a book titled Thoughts of Peace by Frederick Lee in the year 1950. Yes, you read that correctly…..1950. Yet it sounds like it could have been written yesterday.

Frederick Lee goes on to write:

If man is to have peace, he must have something to make him feel both important and secure. One cannot by only a word say to his fears, “Begone,” and then find release. He needs to know that there is One greater than himself who cares, upon whom he can call for help that will not fail. He needs a refuge sure and steadfast to which he can go for shelter. This is no flight from reality, no escape from the issues of life. It is rather the finding of solid ground upon which to stand and face life with courage when all about is only shifting sand.

How about you? Are you searching for balance, for peace, for a refuge from our plugged in lifestyles? The answer is just a relationship away.

There has been a series of events over the past few weeks where my perception plunged me into a pit of emotional distress. Disrupting my balance, allowing doubt to take up residence, and igniting an emotional fierceness that soon became misdirected. All red flags that I was getting ready to quit. To walk away from all that I had worked so hard to build. This not only discouraged me but frightened me. And so I began to pack my bags. Not to leave, as in times past, but to prepare for yet another journey of self-discovery.

It was on this journey that I soon discovered how much truth there was to my academic lectures on perception. How we can never trust our perceptions. That nothing is ever as it seems. Our hearts have blurred our vision with memories and experiences that have been re-constructed and mortared together with emotional bias. I have struggled immensely with the disillusionment and discouragement that this truth reveals about life. It sent me on a quest for another truth that would dispel my feelings of distrust and hopelessness ~ not just with myself but also with humankind.

As the struggle began to reach monumental proportions, I had a sudden insight into the reality of my distress. Many would call it, as would I, a whisper from the Holy Spirit. My heart was sent on a mission to understand that the only way we can respond appropriately to life (circumstances and people) is to look at it all from God’s perspective.

I began to weigh carefully in my mind how to accomplish this on a daily basis. With directions from my heart I found the answer. Just as I wake up and wash my face and brush my teeth as my early morning routine, I needed to  add:  put my “Jesus glasses” on.

Adding the “putting on” of my “Jesus glasses”…to my morning routine has restored my balance, replaced doubt with trust, and helped me succeed in turning misdirected emotional eruptions into well directed acts of mercy and grace.

These past few weeks have been full of storms and the lightning nearly blinded me from an awesome truth….through God’s eyes we can change our perception of the world and with it bring a sense of peace to our lives.

Have you put on your “Jesus glasses” today?

I can’t seem to get my once well ordered life under control. Barely treading water to just keep afloat seems to be the norm these days. My motivation level is nil. Laundry piling up, dishes piling up, even many plants that need to be placed in my gardens remain in their peat pots. Projects are untouched, books are started and put down in the dust, and sleep seems the only appealing choice in a day filled with ‘shoulds’….’coulds’ and ‘oughtas’.

Perhaps it is depression…a journey precipitated by a fall (which I am still in the slow process of recovery) and accelerated by sad personal family circumstances. Whatever it is, it has left me emotionally and physically bankrupt. I cannot express the struggle which ensued when I got it in my head to sit down at the keyboard to write this rather than crawl under the covers.

Yet, in the midst of this spiraling vortex God is in control….good to know….also good to know is that He will remind of us that through the Holy Spirit.

Over the past few weeks I have been studying women in the bible utilizing two great books:  Women in the Bible and Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible. I now realize that my completing my reading of the whole bible and my starting this particular study of women in the bible was not my plan…but perfectly time and orchestrated by God.

In recent days God has comforted me when I would forget (or stubbornly refuse) to look to Him and ask for His comfort:

When I was so angry that no amount of anger management therapy could re-direct my actions…God spoke to me in my daily readings and reminded me to take the time to count to ten before speaking or acting:

“They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger.” John 8:6

“Christ by this teaches us to be slow to speak when difficult cases are proposed to us, not quickly to shoot our bolt; and when provocations are given us, or we are bantered, to pause and consider before we reply; think twice before we speak once: The heart of the wise studies to answer.” Matthew Henry

When I couldn’t (and still can’t in my weakest moments) look beyond very recent and intentional hurts to remember all that I have placed on my heart these past six years about forgiveness…God spoke to me in my daily readings and gently reminded me that we love Him because He first loved us…unconditionally and that we represent His love through our thoughts, words, and actions:

“I tell you, her sins – and they are many – have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” Luke 7:47

“Instead of grudging greater sinners the mercy they find with Christ, upon their repentance, we should be stirred up by their example to examine ourselves whether we be indeed forgiven, and do love Christ…….The more we express our sorrow for sin, and our love to Christ, the clearer evidence we have of the forgiveness of our sins, for it is by the experience of a work of grace wrought in us that we obtain the assurance of an act of grace wrought for us.” Matthew Henry

When today, it was difficult to get out of bed and go about my routine tasks of getting the day started for my family…God gently reminded me that he is the only authority on time management…did you know that? This is what I read just this morning that prompted me to get off my melancholy butt to share it with you:

“Leave her alone, “Jesus replied. “It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial. You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me.” John 12:7

“We need wisdom, when two duties come in competition, to know which to give the preference to, which must be determined by the circumstances. Opportunities are to be improved, and those opportunities first and most vigorously which are likely to be of the shortest continuance, and which we seem most speedily hastening away. That good duty which may be done at any time ought to give way to that which cannot be done but just now.” Matthew Henry

Thank you God…..I need your precious reminders during these storms. Amen.

One of the greatest joys of last week, while recovering from injuries sustained in a fall, was to sit out in my backyard gardens reading and making sure the new puppy peed and pooped. The joy in the poop part was the knowledge that there would not be a mess in the house that needed cleaning up. The joy in sitting in my gardens, aside from the obvious, was the fragrance that permeates the backyards of Florida this time of year. I sat below my orange tree listening to the bees pollinate from bloom to bloom in anticipation of a flourishing crop of oranges this year. If you have never inhaled the fragrance of a street full of blooming orange trees, I extend to you an open invitation to vist. It is a blessing not to be missed. Yet, I digress.

It did not go by unnoticed that God gave me this time to enjoy my garden as I was beginning a bible study being presented by one of my favorite ladies Nancy Leigh DeMoss over at Revive Our Hearts. The bible study is based on the readings from the book The Incomparable Christ by Oswald Sanders. In an effort to continue my commitment to writing at least two to three times a day, I have made it a point to answer the “Making It Personal” questions at the end of the study. An activity that I very, very, rarely participate in. But wait, I am getting ahead of myself, just know that God had a plan.

The first day of this study began by looking at “The Unique Claims of Jesus”. It provided the usual introductory message of a beginning bible study along with information about the series to, as Nancy stated, “whet our appetite”. I enjoyed the readings, but it wasn’t until I began reading and contemplating the “Making It Personal” questions at the end that really captured my heart:

Making It Personal

• If Jesus were to ask you the same question he asked His disciples—“Who do you say that I am?” (Mark 8:29)—what would you say?
• Do others sense the “aroma” of Christ in your life?
• Who or what steals your awareness of the Lord’s presence? How can you eliminate unnecessary distractions?

I feel compelled to share my answers. Warning ~ this will result in a rather lengthy post, so grab that tall cold glass of sweet tea and take that laptop out into the sunshine and enjoy the day as I begin to “make it personal”…between you and me.

“Who do you say that I am?” (Mark 8:29). Although there are so many “biblically correct” answers to this question I feel the need to be honest and to give some depth to my answer.

For me God is the great “balancer”. Through the craziness of my “life not according to plan” (my chosen quote from my high school yearbook), God has been a cornerstone. Sometimes a brilliant and eye catching, noticeable cornerstone and at other times – subdued, blending into the various components of my life. But He has always been that to me – a cornerstone that keeps me balanced whether the times have me openly acknowledging and praising Him or silently giving thanks that He has not abandoned me as I at times have abandoned Him.

When I was younger, God was fearsome – intimidating-misunderstood. Yet, that was how my walk of faith was meant to progress. I am thankful, that although I cannot recall there ever being a bible in our home, that we were very well instructed about God. Our mother made sure we were at church every Sunday, Catechism every day that it was scheduled, and we were educated in and received our Holy Communion and Confirmations.

Although today, God is to me a “friend”, a “comforter”, a “balancer” ~ someone with whom I have a personal relationship not someone who scares the devil right out of me. I do respect, honor, and am thankful for the fact that He was so much a part of my early upbringing.

Today, Christ is my almighty balancer, when life is calm and I have too much time to think or when life is crazy and I have zero time to think. He is there to keep me stabilized and from toppling to the ground in a heap of rubble.

Do others sense the “aroma” of Christ in your life? I believe in my professional life that others may sense the “aroma” of Christ in my life and perhaps a few close and personal friends. However, I feel in the dailyness of my life I fall short of having that “fragrance” that “aroma”.

This became quite evident for me a week or so ago. I must shamefully admit that I fell woefully short of even having a “whiff” of the aroma of Christ in my life.

I was at Lowes speculating which perennials I thought I might like to experiment with in my gardens. While meandering up and down the aisles, enjoying the shade of the awnings, I encountered a woman who was admiring a flowering shrub. As I slowly made my way around the corner, this woman began a conversation…I am assuming with me since I was the only human within hearing distance. She was commenting about how she not only wanted the shrub but someone who would plant it and care for it daily. She continued to give me a commentary about the health issues that would prevent her from caring for the plant as printed on the informative plant stake. In a hurry to move on to the next botanical piece of eye candy, I provided some glib, superficial remark, reluctant to be drawn into a conversation and alluded to the fact that I was quite ready to move on to my own self (selfish) interests. As I was edging away, feigning interest in some Lantana, this woman continued to talk (to no one in particular – again – I am still denying that she was talking TO me) about the fact that there was so much going on in her life right now that it seemed her only comfort could be found in what little gardening she was able to do. This statement she clarified by admiting she would purchase the shrub, leave it in the pot and water it as best as she was able. In response, I again shamefully admit, I  made some trite parting remark and continued down the aisle to go about my own, selfish, hurried way.

There were no purchases to carry to the car that day so there was no distraction when, as I made myself comfortable and snapped my seatbelt together, God promptly slapped me upside the head and asked me:

What if , in the perennial aisle at Lowes, I had been in the company of one of God’s angels and not a stranger talking to the “wind”?

In that moment I felt great remorse regarding my selfish actions. So many “shoulds” followed me around that day – and continues – as this article testifies. That woman in Lowes needed to be surrounded with the “sweet fragrance” of the knowledge that Christ loves her and cares about her….and I walked away. She needed a listening ear, a comforting word, and perhaps a hug…and I walked away.

It seems I am fragrant and aromatic only when it suits me and not when God needs me to be. I have a lot of work to do in making sure I am fragrant. How about you?

Who or what steals your awareness of the Lord’s presence? How can you eliminate unnecessary distractions? Eliminating unnecessary distractions from my day is what these past two weeks have been about. Before I even began this bible study I made a conscious effort to block the two computer games that I thoroughly enjoy and provide much relaxation. I did this to aid in “walking the talk” as to what my priorities are.

As I head into the third week, I truly wonder how I had time for such nonsense. I am meeting my family’s needs in a more relaxed, less harried manner. I am writing more (be sure to catch up with Addie Grace in the next few days), reading more, inspired more. I am noticing the stars when the dogs need to go out at 4:00 in the morning. I am enjoying the music from the front porch chimes as the march breeze blows through. I am embracing the “fragrance” of God’s blessings in the aroma of the orange blossoms that are beginning to fall from my backyard tree.

Eliminating distractions has proven to be a blessing. I am praying to figure out how I can eliminate going to Walmart.

Yet, that’s an introspective topic for another day.

Blessings.