I can no longer cope with the feelings of being inadequate..not to mention the anxiety… when it comes to my “To Be Read” pile of books…..so off they go to the local lending library….well at least 18 so far.

Which ones did I keep???

My classics of course (just knowing they are there waiting brings me a sense of comfort):

Bleak House by Charles Dickens

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

Collected Stories of F. Scott Fitzgerald by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

The Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan

War and Peace by Leo Tlstoy

The Odyssey by Homer

Dracula by Bram Stoker

My psychology books (saving for when I feel intellectual):

Female Serial Killers by Peter Vronsky

Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammet

An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison

The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout

EMDR by Francine Shapiro

The Gaslight Effect by Robin Stern

My Lobotomy by Howard Dully

My books on writing (for when I need be inspired):

On Writing by Stephen King

Writing for  Your Life by Deena Metzger

My fiction/non-fiction books (for when the sun gets too hot to work outside anymore):

An Irish Country Village by Patrick Taylor

Blackbird by Jennifer Lauck

A Wolf at the Table by Augusten Burroughs (my favorite author of all time)

And so there you go.

By the way….for inquiring minds that just can’t help themselves…while going through my “keep” pile to make the above list I managed to let go of  six more books.

Now perhaps I can focus a bit more.

One of my favorite bookstores is Book Gallery West in Gainesville. Two weeks ago we took a side trip and paid them a visit in search of a book of meditations for Miss Sam. Although we came away empty handed in Miss Sam’s quest…I did not. Although I was not searching…I did indeed find a gem of a book.

The book is The Parent’s Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents by William Martin. Now I can hear the gasping and moaning that I have gone the way of New Age…but not so. I appreciate the wisdom that all spiritual explorations offer – I just replace their ‘god’ with my “God”. Or as in this case…when I see the concept of “Tao” I understand it to mean Jesus.

Here is something I read this morning that I would like to share:

Be Alert and Mindful

If you would be a wise parent

be careful in all you do and say.

Know that each action,

each word

has its effect.

Be alert and mindful,

living fully in each present moment.

Treat your children with courtesy

as you would treat a guest.

Be ready in a moment

to let go of one plan

and embark on another

if your inner voice so urges.

Have room within your heart

to hear the voice of both

your children

and your own spirit.

Do not expect fulfillment

from events or people

outside yourself.

Welcome and accept

things as they are.

Welcome and accept

children as they are.

Treat yourself with gentle care.

These qualities emerge naturally,

not by force of will.

William Martin

Make The Ordinary Come Alive

Do not ask your children

to strive for extraordinary lives.

Such striving may seem admirable,

but it is a way of foolishness.

Help them instead to find the wonder

and the marvel of an ordinary life.

Show them the joy of tasting

tomatoes, apples and pears.

Show them how to cry

when pets and people die.

Show them the infinite pleasure

in the touch of a hand.

And make the ordinary come alive for them.

The extraordinary will take care of itself.

William Martin

This is what I am thinking about today. How about you?

Found this great meme over at Linda’s place and thought I would give it a whirl. Susanne from Living to Tell the Story states that Friday’s Fave Five is:

a place to come on Friday’s and think back over your week and just post about 5 favorite things from your week. It can be anything that tickled your fancy over the week. Favorite quotes, posts, happenings, scriptures, recipes, pictures, great internet finds, etc., etc.

So although it is Saturday….while my Korean Beef and Sticky Rice dinner is cooling off to “safe enough to eat temperature”, I thought I would write a bit about the five things that tickled my fancy over the past week.

1. Our income tax was direct deposited! Yippee!!! We hit the home improvement stores today to start working on our “Honey Do” lists!!
2. I found a fabulous daily devotional, The Daily God Book: A Year of Listening For God. As you know, one of my biggest challenges over the years has been to keep that ear tuned in to those whispers…I pretty much recognize the yells (okay..every now and then I recognize them).
3. I have been thinking about putting an inspirational quote on the board at the beginning of each class period. I thought this would be a good one to start with:        ”No one can touch others’ lives exactly as you can.”   This is from The Daily God Book.
4. I FINALLY found a brand of jeans that FIT and DON’T cost an arm and two legs. Lee Relaxed Fit Straight Leg (actually they are boot cut – I guess straight leg isn’t what it was in the 80′s). I bought two more pairs at JC Penney today…along with that other “hard to find/hate to shop for item….the dreaded B…R….A…..I saved $50.00 on my purchases!! Woot!
5. Sam and I found a great Asian Market in Gainesville this week. We bought some sweet rice (I used it tonight to make the sticky rice), seaweed (to make rice balls) and a curry sauce that Sam wants to try.

What great and exciting moments did you experience this week?

My goodness it has been awhile. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say. Every day a gazillion blog posts whiz their way through my mind. Some make it to my “list of things I want to write about”, but many just disperse into thin air..none make their way to my blog. Sad but true.

Although I have not been expressing through my blog all the epiphanies I have experienced as the new year rolls in, I have been cataloging them for future exploration.

Just the other afternoon, I made a list titled  ”Great Ideas To Get Out of My Head Before It Explodes”. Twenty items made it to the list in less than ten minutes. The list went from the more mundane tasks such as “air out the sun room carpets” to more intensely creative notes as “graph out spring gardens” and “begin outlining the articles of possibilities (essays on scriptures that impact my daily life)”.

So if I haven’t been writing, what I have I been doing???? I have been enjoying quite a bit of “mindful meandering”.

Matthew Tull, Phd. defines the idea of “mindfulness” as:

Mindfulness refers to being completely in touch with and aware of the present moment, as well as taking a non-evaluative and non-judgmental approach to your inner experience. For example, a mindful approach to one’s inner experience is simply viewing “thoughts as thoughts” as opposed to evaluating certain thoughts as positive or negative.

I have been practicing “mindfulness” for a year or two now and it has FINALLY become so much a part of my life that I don’t even have to “think” about it anymore (except perhaps as I am writing about it). This epiphany came at the oddest of moments.

Earlier this week Sam and I attended Lu’s 50th birthday party. It was during the festivities that I experienced a light bulb moment that flashed…”I can’t believe I am here wishing a hippo happy birthday and I am enjoying the heck out of it with nothing else on my mind but the thought:

‘ How can a hippo poop like that in it’s own home

and then eat cake?

Photos by Sam ~ Photographer Extraordinaire

Enjoy your day!!!

Are you going beyond the speed limit? Have you committed to responsibilities that are beyond what is humanly possible? Perhaps you need to slow down before you get a ticket. A ticket that may state the following as your offense:

• Not giving what you love your full attention. You have been neglectful. Treating your loved ones and favored activities as items to be checked off a “To Do” list.Taking on “optional responsibilities” instead of saying “no”. Only giving enough of yourself to “get by”. Patching the holes left by your busyness.

For my faithful readers, you are well aware that each year I tackle the challenge of slowing down and re-prioritizing. This year has been no different. And I am finding that I am not alone in this quest.

This week’s In Other Words (hosted by Debbie at Heart Choices) quote about “busyness” was:

Jesus reminds us that our speech and actions reveal our true underlying beliefs, attitudes and motivations. Yet if we are Martha how are we able to hear Jesus? Does our relationship with Jesus demonstrate our love for Him or for others?

I read that good communication builds good relationships. Is it more convenient for you to text family and friends rather than taking the time to meet face to face and give all of yourself? Would you text Jesus if He had a cell phone?

Earlier this week I did two things to slow down. Instead of rushing home to continue checking off my “To Do” list, I took a few side roads on my way home from picking up flea meds for two of our children (can you guess which ones???).

First I stopped at a thrift shop to engage in one of my most favorite pastimes….working my way through old and used books. Because I “pulled back the throttle” I found these two treasures:

• Shelter for the Spirit: How to Make Your Home a Haven in a Hectic World by Victoria Moran. This was from this morning’s quiet time reading:

Many of us have been working more than we’d like, running more than we’d planned, and doing more than we ever though would be expected of us. We too often feel detached from the things we love most: our homes, our families, our solitary time. We instinctively know we need a deeper bond with home and hearth, but we have forgotten how to achieve and sustain that connection. Attempting it can seem overwhelming. It’s easier to focus on something else or be somewhere else.

• Keys to Happiness: A Reader’s Digest Guide to Successful Living, Copyright 1955. This is an excerpt from the very first essay written by T.E. Murphy:

For three months I have been asking friends and acquaintance how familiar they were with the greatest blueprint for a happy life that was ever drawn. Of couse they had all heard of this famous code of human relations. But not one of 70 persons questioned – most of them churchgoers – could quote a line of it.

The document they failed to remember was the Sermon on the Mount – the Magna Carta of Christian faith. Three months ago, I should have assumed that most persons knew something of what Jesus said in his most notable utterance. Now I am sure comparatively few people have any clear memory of either the words or their meaning. Yet, as recorded in St. Mathew, Chapters V to VII, the Sermon teaches not only the deepest spiritual truths but also practical techniques by which anyone may find health, success and tranquillity; peace of mind and peace of soul.

The second detour I made was following a sign I had never noticed before…even though the road I was on, I had traveled a gazillion times during the nine years we have lived in this area. I suppose I continually missed the sign due to going beyond the speed limit (lucky I didn’t get a ticket). The sign read:

• Citrus Springs Memorial Library (arrow pointing down a never traveled side road)

I followed the road and to my delicious surprise I came upon a very quaint building nestled on a few acres of woods. This library is not a part of the county system. It is run by volunteers and the books are donated by members of the community. They even checked books out the old-fashioned way…with a date stamp and your signature. It was the perfect place for a harried soul such as myself. Just the smell was like being hugged!!! The reward for “pulling back the throttle” and driving down a road never traveled was not the three books I found for my husband by an author that has been illusive in the county library system, but a moment to step back in time, breathe deep, and feel refreshed.

The one thing I changed this week to give the moments of my life more attention turned out to have God’s Thumbprints all over them. Just the act of slowing down prepared me to truly spend time with God and open my heart to hearing His words.

I like what Dennis Rainey says in Moments With You:

What cutbacks and other restrictions could you impose on yourselves that would make your lives dramatically more manageable three to six months from now? Start by finding one thing you’ll say no to.

Ask God to give you both the tenacity and the wisdom to build some margin into your lives and family.

I chose to say no to rushing home to a mountain full of laundry and a sink full of dishes and said yes to taking a new and different “slow” way home. How about you?????????

Related Article:

Preparing for Holiday Stress by Rick Nauert, PhD

I made the decision this year to simplify the holidays even more than last year. Only two boxes of house decorations made it down from the attic and only glass ball ornaments are going to make their way onto the tree (of course that includes lights and garland). With the implementation of this decision, it only took me two hours to get the house festive and ready for the holidays.

As I finished lighting the tree lights and spreading the snow fake snow around the few decorations that say “Welcome Christmas” I took a deep sigh of relief that I stayed true to my decision to keep it simple this year.

It is my heart’s desire to bring that simplicity to the remainder of the holiday season and into the new year. My quiet time this morning appears to have God’s thumbprints all over that “resolution” as here are some excerpts from my morning “quiet time” readings:

From Pulling Weeds, Planting Seeds: Growing Character in Your Life and Family by Dennis Rainey

Spinning Plates and Broken People

Too many of us are like the man who used to come on the “Ed Sullivan Show” years ago and spin the plates. He would start at one end of a long table and place a stick perpendicular to the table then spin a plate on a stick. In consecutive order the plates would be placed on sticks and spun – two, three, four, five, six plates. On he would go . . . seven, eight, nine plates. By this time, plates two, three, and four were now beginning to wobble.

Similarly, the roles we assume in life…all represent different plates in our lives. We begin spinning them early in our married life, with plate number one being our marriage. Receiving our focused attention, the plate spins along merrily and does well. With the addition of plates number two (business life) and three (children), efforts to focus become more difficult. We keep adding plates until we finally step back from the table and see that two or three of the first plates are beginning to wobble badly.

We have to make choices. Decisions. Decisions based on priorities. Our family has needs, but we mistakenly choose to meet more material “needs” by applying our efforts primarily to our business.  The result: focus is lost, and important plates fall and shatter.

I am so thankful that I made the difficult decision to put away the plate of “counseling”. Not having this job has definitely taken away most all of our “disposable” income. However, “materialism is not what you have, but what has you”.

Dennis Rainey went on to say:

Being somewhat a selfish man myself, there is nothing I would love better than to have my dozen ego-stroking plates spinning in addition to my family plates.

 That’s what my counseling job had become. An ego-stroking plate.

Dennis Rainey goes on to state:

However, I am constantly directed by Jesus Christ to come to grips with my limits. I have been wrestled to the ground by Him on more than one occasion, and forced to answer the question, “How many plates can you keep spinning and still win? How much is enough?”

In their book Moments with You, Barbara and Dennis Rainey wrote a devotion for December 1st that nudged me into saying “enough is enough”. Here are is an excerpt:

I’m not suggesting that we all move into the woods and live off the land. But I am encouraging you to consider the benefits of pulling the throttle back just a notch and embrace a more contemplative lifestyle.

When you allow yourself time for creative solitude, you can see God at work and begin to rediscover life in all its richness. When you give yourself the necessary time and space to seek clarity, gain perspective and ponder decisions, you find more to savor, enjoy and appreciate.

As I reflect on these two different approaches to life – the rushed and the restful – I force myself to ask, How did Jesus live? Was He frantic or steady? Was He checking the sundial every few minutes wishing He could cut some time off His commute to the next city? Or was He able to stop and tend to the needs around Him?

During a recent photo field trip to the wildlife park, I found myself thinking about the decades that have gone by since I took the time to sit by a tree and indulge in “creative solitude”. It was that day in the park where I began to experience the thrill of a “contemplative life” and  I began to seriously consider “pulling the throttle back”. Allowing myself to explore the areas of my inner being that have been ignored due to the spinning of too many plates. Putting a stop to the wobbling of my family plates and providing a more stable spin to them.

Are you spinning too many plates? Are you feeling rushed instead of restful?

Here are two strategies that Dennis and Barbara Rainey suggest:

Find the one thing you can change in order to carve out more time to rest.

Ask the Lord to start you on a serious six-month quest toward a quieter heart.

Let simplicity begin with the holidays and by the time the new year begins it will be ingrained as a much treasured and fruitful habit.

Spent the week decompressing from two and a half years spent in the role of Mental Health Counselor. You don’t realize how much you can be consumed by something until you have the strength to walk away from it.

I immersed myself in:

• family
• scrapbooking
• reading
• yard work
• going to the movies (The Blind Side was wonderful!!)

and taking a photo or two:

Plans for today:

• plant some Amaryllis bulbs my mother-in-law graciously dug up from her yard to give to me

That’s about it until it’s time to go teach in the big city later this afternoon/evening.

I love to enjoy the quiet of an early morning to listen to the “music” that speaks to me of home:

• the dogs stretching telling me it’s time to wake up
• Sam’s fan whirring keeping her cool while she sleeps
• coffee dripping enticingly into the carafe
• the rinse cycle of the washing machine
• the birds chattering that their feeders need to be refilled

What is the music of your home???

I would like to think that as I grow older I am (by some miracle) growing wiser. These past few months I  have been contemplating some serious choices/changes in my life. If you read my blog you know that I recently posted about my decision to not pursue my photography from a business perspective. That was a difficult decision for me to make.

Today I gained the courage to make another difficult decision/significant change. I have made the decision to step off the dual career track and focus on the one career that I am passionate about.

I no longer will show my current occupation as Mental Health Counselor on my resume.

There are several factors that played into this monumental decision. However, the one factor that was of utmost importance was the toll it was taking on me, my family, and my “other” career as College Professor (especially since the increase to teaching four courses).

Growing is all about making choices.

Although sometimes I get a little overwhelmed with this “growth” spurt I have been experiencing over the past few years…I am happy and content with the choices I have been making.

This must indicate that I am indeed growing wiser as I grow older.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

~Marianne Williamson~