As with everything, there is a reason that God led me to the book Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life by Charles Swindoll.  It was one of those books that was found in the dusty corner of a thrift shop ministry. Each day, while reading this particular book,  I am being challenged to re-build (with stronger mortar this time around) some major cornerstones for 2012.

I plan on exploring each of these cornerstones in future blog posts. Today however, I am going to explore the following question, which was presented in today’s Growing Strong reading. It’s answer demanded to be written.

The countdown is over. Christmas has come and gone. But what about the last few days? Did they leave any lasting impact on you or your family? Whether good or bad, put in writing how this year’s Christmas went for you.

 Christmas 2011 was a holiday season filled with emotional diversity. I hurt deeply as my heart broke over the loss of my dearest pet Marbles. I rejoiced beyond measure as my heart overflowed with the comfort of family.

It was a simple Christmas. No big tree, no over the top Christmas shopping, no Christmas baking, no Christmas decorating, not even one Christmas card was sent out.

It was a season of living in the moment, feeling both the good and bad. It was a season of not getting lost in the busyness. It was a season of staying still. It was a season of enjoying the quiet. It was a season of getting to know my life beyond the influence of the externals.

There was much sorrow and joy to be found this Christmas season and each moment had its own resulting treasure. The treasure of learning more about myself than I ever thought there was left to know.

I learned that I can love and be loved without any expectations. I learned that I can listen without having to be heard. I learned that emptiness is not a bad thing. I learned that fullness is not measured concretely.

With all its sadness and joy, this was the best Christmas season ever.

It is with hope that the New Year will present  its own treasures as I take what I learned over this past Christmas season and continue to live a quiet life filled with simple faith.

“The Master is neither mute nor careless as He alters our times and changes our seasons. How wrong to trudge blindly and routinely through a lifetime of changing seasons without discovering answers to the new mysteries and learning to sing the new melodies! Seasons are designed to deepen us, to instruct us in the wisdom and ways of our God. To help us grow strong…like a tree planted by the rivers of water.” Charles Swindoll

The month of December has been pretty chaotic and full of challenges for the B&W household. However, we are making our way through the storms much like I remember doing as a kid trying to walk to school over sheets of ice after an Alaskan storm (there were no snow days in that part of the country)…holding tight to your classmates hands…looking much like you were playing crack the whip…only you were trying to get safely to school.

And here we are, the B&W family, holding tightly to each other’s hands as we try and make our way safely through these crazy storms that are slamming us.

With that being said, I must confess that there have been days when I can’t help but sigh heavily and cry ‘enough is enough’. Like yesterday.

After dropping Miss Sam off at work I followed my regular routine of scouring those hole in the wall thrift stores for small obscure books. I found two.

1. A Gift for God: Prayers and Meditations by Mother Teresa
2. The Nativity Story: Contemplating Mary’s Journeys of Faith 

Once I was through browsing I still had a few hours before Miss Sam needed to be picked up and I didn’t want to go home. Instead I headed to where I feel most comforted, the water.

The past few days, whirling inside all the turmoil that the storms have brought, has not only been confusion but heartbreak and disillusionment. On this particular day my heart was extremely heavy. Mr. John and Miss Sam were at work, there was no one to hold onto. No one to comfort me in my sadness and heartbreak.

I parked at McRaes, grabbed one of the books I had just purchased, walked down to the riverfront and sat down on one of the faded, cobweb infested benches facing the river.

It was a beautiful, sun blessed day with soft breezes. I opened my book, The Nativity Story, with a heavy heart, praying that the soft breezes would breathe new life into my weary spirit and began to read.

Right before it was time to go pick up Miss Sam, this is what I read tucked into one of the essays written in The Nativity Story:

“In order to feel wonderful when out of control, you have to trust the one who is in control.” Selena Liu

That’s all I can do.

I closed the book, said adios to the seagull who had stood watch on the pier the whole time I was reading, and headed back into the storm.

One of my greatest simple pleasures is to browse through thrift shops. Not the franchise ones like Goodwill or Salvation Army, but the more charitable ones. The shops that provide a variety of ministries to those that are in need. The ones that can only afford a small hole in the wall because all their profits are truly used to minister to the needs of others. The ones that are dusty and cramped and full of treasures to be recycled. These are the types of  ’thrift stores’ that I love.

When I set foot into these stores I am on the lookout for all things unique for my garden and obscure books that no one loves anymore.

Last week I picked up a book because it was small, it was old, and I could not read the title or author unless I picked it up and held it close. These are the ones that I usually find are ‘keepers’, and this one did not disappoint.

It is a small treasure by one of my favorite (again with the favorite!) authors, Henri J.M. Nouwen. The title of the book is “Making All Things New: An Invitation to the Spiritual Life“‘.

This morning I wasn’t motivated to dive into my current ‘quiet time’ book so I picked up “Making All Things New: An Invitation to the Spiritual Life” from my side table and began reading the words of  Henri J. M. Nouwen.

The following is part of the conclusion based on the first chapter of the book. I am genuinely compelled to share it with you. I don’t want to paraphrase the content as I am fearful that it will lose its impact, so with great respect for Mr. Nouwen’s God given ability to meet people where they are and lead them to the one person that can give them what they long for, I will gladly share with you what I read this morning. To understand how timeless this treasure is, keep in mind that it was written in 1981:

“Today worrying means to be occupied and preoccupied with many things, while at the same time being bored, resentful, depressed and very lonely. I am not trying to say that all of us are worried in such an extreme way all the time. Yet, there is little doubt in my mind that the experience of being filled yet unfulfilled touches most of us to some degree at some time. In our highly technological and competitive world, it is hard to avoid completely the forces which fill up our inner and outer space and disconnect us from our innermost selves, our fellow human beings, and our God.

One of the most notable characteristics of worrying is that it fragments our lives. The many things to do, to think about, to plan for, the many people to remember, to visit, or to talk with, the many causes to attack or defend, all these pull us apart and make us lose our center. Worrying causes us to be “all over the place,” but seldom at home. One way to express the spiritual crisis of our time is to say that most of us have an address but cannot be found there. We know where we belong, but we keep being pulled away in many directions, as if we were still homeless. “All these other things” keep demanding out attention. They lead us so far from home that we eventually forget our true address, that is, the place where we can be addressed.

Jesus responds to this condition of being filled yet unfulfilled, very busy yet unconnected, all over the place yet never at home. He wants to bring us to the place where we belong. But his call to live a spiritual life can only be heard when we are willing honestly to confess our own homeless and worrying existence and recognize its fragmenting effect on our daily life. Only then can a desire for our true home develop. It is of this desire that Jesus speaks when he says, “Do not worry…Set your hearts on his kingdom first…and all these other things will be given you as well.”  Henri J.M. Nouwen from Making All Things New:An Invitation to the Spiritual Life

Doesn’t that just make you want to forget to go to work and spend the day reading the rest of the book?  It does me. Catch y’all later, I have some more reading to do.

Hope you can separate yourself from your busyness for a moment and check out the Henri Nouwen Society webpage. Let me know what you think.

No worries,

“Stop thinking you can’t do things and start thinking you can. It’s important to eliminate negatives from your vocabulary, especially the word “can’t”. When you begin to think positively, you will find yourself attempting and succeeding at more things. Remember by eliminating the negatives you will let the positives come through.” Quote from a counseling poster, author unknown.

We know that what is engraved on our hearts, makes its way to our minds and then to our mouths. Therefore I have searched for scripture that will help solidify that “can do” attitude on your heart so that it may manifest itself in your mind, in your words, in your life.

1. For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4
2. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
3. Be strong and take heart; all you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24
4. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
5. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:56
6. Prove by the way you live that you have really turned from your sins and turned to God. Matthew 3:8
7. The father instantly replied, “I do believe, but help me not to doubt.” Mark 9:24
8. The Lord guided them by a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night. That way they could travel whether it was day or night. Exodus 13:21
9. Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Philippians 2:5
10. Don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to him than a whole flock of sparrows. Matthew 10:31
11. “You didn’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I assure you, even if you had faith as small as a mustard seed you could say to this mountain, ‘move from here to there’, and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” Matthew 17:20
12. Keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks. Matthew 7:7-8
13. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
14. Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. Isaiah 43:18
15. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your case like the noonday sun. Psalm 37:4-6
16. Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3

Ever since my father’s death I spend every morning playing in my backyard gardens. I find much comfort, peace, and balance there. Today while I was taking a picture of the Cassia tree I was planting for him the morning he died (I got the call as soon as I finished planting it) I smelled my father’s infamous cigar. My father came to visit me in my garden this morning and I took him on a tour. Please join me.

“God looked around His garden

and He found an empty place

He then looked down upon the earth

and saw your precious face”

“He put His arms around you

And lifted you to rest;

God’s Garden must be beautiful

He always takes the best.”

“He knew that you were suffering

He knew you were in pain

He knew you’d never ever

Get well on earth again.”

“So He closed your weary eyelids

And whispered “Peace be thine”

Then He took you up to Heaven

with Hands so gentle and kind.”

“It broke our hearts to lose you

but you did not go alone,

for part of us went with you

the day God welcomed you home”

Author Unknown

I will treasure this morning spent with my father.

Since the new year began I have been fairly successful with implementing some significant changes into my daily routines. Thank goodness I had some quality vacation time to integrate these changes to where they are now habits. However, now that the new semester has begun, I am finding myself challenged to incorporate my intellectual pursuits with my creative pursuits and my “school is in session” habits with “yee-haw I’m on vacation” habits.  Add to that some very serious family issues that are requiring heavy prayer and a significant amount of soul/character searching into this mix, I would swear my head is going to explode from the circuits trying to communicate their needs all at once.

And so, just when I think that hibernating until summer is the only viable option from the chaos in my heart and mind, I settle in (on this freezing cold Florida morning) with my blankie, mug of dark hot chocolate, my devotional (My Utmost for His Highest) and my bible (Life Application Study Bible) for a good old fashioned heart to heart with the one who knows me best.

Show me Your ways, O Lord;

Teach me Your paths.

Lead me in Your truth and teach me,

For You are the God of my salvation;

On You I wait all the day. Psalm25:4-5

“At first you may see clearly what God’s will is…. but never act on the impulse of that feeling. If you do, you will cause difficult situations to arise which will take years to untangle. Wait for God’s timing and He will do it without any heartache or disappointment. When it is a question of the providential will of God, wait for God to move.” Oswald Chambers

“Jesus doesn’t take us aside and explain things to us all the time; He explains things to us as we are able to understand them. We have to get rid of the idea that we understand ourselves. That is always the last bit of pride to go. The only One who understands us is God. The greatest curse in our spiritual life is pride.” Oswald Chambers

There is only one way to quiet the constant firing of neurons that continue to feed my attention deficit disorder. Prayer. We can only think one thought at a time. May that “thought” be a prayer. A conversation with God instead of a conversation with myself inside my head.

As I move forward in the midst of processing difficulties, with hot chocolate in hand and a desire to stay in my slippers all day hiding under my blankie, I know that if I lift my eyes up I will find the quiet and guidance I need.

Around about October I began thinking about changes I would like to see in the coming year. It was when all the “trimmings” (not just the tangible ones but the warm and fuzzy feel good acts of kindness)for the upcoming holiday season began making their appearance in the stores, in the media, and on and on and on. There was something that just didn’t “feel right”. Something that kept “nibbling” at me. And so in search of relief from that “nibbling” sensation I spent these past few months reading, contemplating, reviewing, dreaming, assessing, and let’s not forget praying about what I didn’t know was bothering me.

In between my journey of reading the whole bible (I began in 2008 with the New Testament and am now in Old Testament Jeremiah) I go back and re-read Psalms. What I call “bible dipping”. As I was reading, contemplating…..I came across some notes that I had written beside Psalm 15:

“summary of righteous conduct – ten standards to determine how we are doing”

“areas to work on”

And there in bold print I noticed:

Theme: Guidelines for living a blameless life

God’s Thumbprints is what I call these little “windows” or “ah-ha” moments. There it was…God stating specifically the changes that need to be made in 2011:

Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill?

He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous,

who speaks the truth from his heart

and has no slander on his tongue,

who does his neighbor no wrong

and casts no slur on his fellowman,

who despises a vile man

but honors those who fear the Lord,

who keeps his oath

even when it hurts,

who lends his money without usury

and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.

He who does these things

will never be shaken. (Psalm 15 NIV Translation)

I found the answer to what was “nibbling” at me. It’s not what you do during the “holydays” it’s what you do the rest of the year.

If you preach it, you must live it…..all year round…day in and day out.

And so another journey begins. Finding peace with that “nibbling” feeling. Understanding that it’s not just about Him during the “holydays” but every day. And not just about “me” and my little corner of the world but about the world outside of my comfort zone.

The first step in this journey is moving outside my “devotion” time and living it. This is the precept behind the three “buttons” to the right of this post. As you click on each one you will become acquainted with areas that I have challenged myself to work on. A way for me to honestly respond “yes” to the question:

Do you serve God EVERY DAY in the daily routines of not only your life but the life of others – known and unknown?

How about you? How are you exploring ways in which to serve God outside of your comfort zone?

I woke up this morning treading in some troubled waters.  I found myself yearning to talk to someone about these deep dark thoughts that began to churn up from within what has long since been a relatively peaceful part of me. Yet, I am human and have my moments. This morning was one of them.

But who to talk to? Who is there that will not judge what I momentarily feel? Who is there that will listen quietly and assure me that “this too shall pass”? Who is there that will keep my stormy moments in their confidence?

In the early morning hours I had no answers.

Troubled with all the solutions that my human heart had come up with to ease my journey through these troubled waters I began to spiral. It happens…just not so much as it used to.

Routine is good. Instead of leading me to pursue what I thought were viable solutions to my troubled thoughts…it led me into the kitchen to put on that pot of coffee I so enjoy in the morning. With a heavily creamed cup of coffee I headed to the big blue comfy couch and settled in for my morning conversations with God.

And this is what popped out at me:

“In that day you will ask Me nothing” (John 16:23)

“In that day” there may be any number of things still hidden to your understanding, but they will not come between your heart and God. “In that day you will ask Me nothing”—- you will not need to ask, because you will be certain that God will reveal things in accordance with His will. Oswald Chambers: My Utmost for His Highest

“For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” 2 Chronicles 16:9

“God’s faithfulness when the issues are clear and the enemy overwhelming is more than enough reason to seek his guidance when the issues are unclear and the enemy unseen.” Life Application Bible

“The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.” Proverbs 10:9

“The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked.” Proverbs 10:11

“He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.” Proverbs 10:17

“When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” Proverbs 10:19

“Hatred stirs up dissension but love covers over all wrongs.” Proverbs 10:12

These were not readings I searched for. I am in the process of reading 2 Chronicles and Proverbs and this is what was on the “schedule” for today. As was the following interpretations of what I read in 2 Chronicles today according to my Life Application Bible:

“It is not sin to use human means to solve our problems, but is it sin to trust them more than God, to think they are better than God’s ways, or to leave God completely out of the problem-solving process.

“If you want peace, check to see if there is some area where you lack total commitment to God. Peace comes as a by-product of giving your life wholeheartedly to God.”

“God wants us to give him not only the major decisions, but also our daily lives – the things we are most often fooled into believing we can control. Perhaps there is nothing major facing you today. Have you paused long enough to give your day to God anyway?

Thank you Lord for showing me that although there are many things that are hidden to my understanding, as long as I continue to turn to You for refuge’ not just during my journey through troubled waters but daily, you will make the right choices for me.

I enjoyed our talk. I feel much better now.