As with everything, there is a reason that God led me to the book Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life by Charles Swindoll.  It was one of those books that was found in the dusty corner of a thrift shop ministry. Each day, while reading this particular book,  I am being challenged to re-build (with stronger mortar this time around) some major cornerstones for 2012.

I plan on exploring each of these cornerstones in future blog posts. Today however, I am going to explore the following question, which was presented in today’s Growing Strong reading. It’s answer demanded to be written.

The countdown is over. Christmas has come and gone. But what about the last few days? Did they leave any lasting impact on you or your family? Whether good or bad, put in writing how this year’s Christmas went for you.

 Christmas 2011 was a holiday season filled with emotional diversity. I hurt deeply as my heart broke over the loss of my dearest pet Marbles. I rejoiced beyond measure as my heart overflowed with the comfort of family.

It was a simple Christmas. No big tree, no over the top Christmas shopping, no Christmas baking, no Christmas decorating, not even one Christmas card was sent out.

It was a season of living in the moment, feeling both the good and bad. It was a season of not getting lost in the busyness. It was a season of staying still. It was a season of enjoying the quiet. It was a season of getting to know my life beyond the influence of the externals.

There was much sorrow and joy to be found this Christmas season and each moment had its own resulting treasure. The treasure of learning more about myself than I ever thought there was left to know.

I learned that I can love and be loved without any expectations. I learned that I can listen without having to be heard. I learned that emptiness is not a bad thing. I learned that fullness is not measured concretely.

With all its sadness and joy, this was the best Christmas season ever.

It is with hope that the New Year will present  its own treasures as I take what I learned over this past Christmas season and continue to live a quiet life filled with simple faith.

“The Master is neither mute nor careless as He alters our times and changes our seasons. How wrong to trudge blindly and routinely through a lifetime of changing seasons without discovering answers to the new mysteries and learning to sing the new melodies! Seasons are designed to deepen us, to instruct us in the wisdom and ways of our God. To help us grow strong…like a tree planted by the rivers of water.” Charles Swindoll

The challenges and losses that our family has experienced and continue to experience this year have influenced our perspectives  as we continue to make changes and re-evaluate what is significant in living a life well-lived.

The month of December has been pretty chaotic and full of challenges for the B&W household. However, we are making our way through the storms much like I remember doing as a kid trying to walk to school over sheets of ice after an Alaskan storm (there were no snow days in that part of the country)…holding tight to your classmates hands…looking much like you were playing crack the whip…only you were trying to get safely to school.

And here we are, the B&W family, holding tightly to each other’s hands as we try and make our way safely through these crazy storms that are slamming us.

With that being said, I must confess that there have been days when I can’t help but sigh heavily and cry ‘enough is enough’. Like yesterday.

After dropping Miss Sam off at work I followed my regular routine of scouring those hole in the wall thrift stores for small obscure books. I found two.

1. A Gift for God: Prayers and Meditations by Mother Teresa
2. The Nativity Story: Contemplating Mary’s Journeys of Faith 

Once I was through browsing I still had a few hours before Miss Sam needed to be picked up and I didn’t want to go home. Instead I headed to where I feel most comforted, the water.

The past few days, whirling inside all the turmoil that the storms have brought, has not only been confusion but heartbreak and disillusionment. On this particular day my heart was extremely heavy. Mr. John and Miss Sam were at work, there was no one to hold onto. No one to comfort me in my sadness and heartbreak.

I parked at McRaes, grabbed one of the books I had just purchased, walked down to the riverfront and sat down on one of the faded, cobweb infested benches facing the river.

It was a beautiful, sun blessed day with soft breezes. I opened my book, The Nativity Story, with a heavy heart, praying that the soft breezes would breathe new life into my weary spirit and began to read.

Right before it was time to go pick up Miss Sam, this is what I read tucked into one of the essays written in The Nativity Story:

“In order to feel wonderful when out of control, you have to trust the one who is in control.” Selena Liu

That’s all I can do.

I closed the book, said adios to the seagull who had stood watch on the pier the whole time I was reading, and headed back into the storm.

So I was driving my car yesterday at 40 mph down a two lane road when suddenly out of nowhere my gas pedal, my brakes, and my steering wheel quit working. It was horrifying. No other words for it. It was like entering a time warp in a bad movie.

But that’s not what this post is about. This post is about how God works in ways that we are never certain of, even when events are what one would consider to be ‘horrifying’.

The breakdown of my car’s power system yesterday lasted only about three minutes but it seemed like a lifetime as I swerved towards trees, traffic, and the unknown. I am thankful that I was alone in the car and that Miss Sam was safe at home.

Mr. John and I took the car into the local Toyota dealer this morning only to be told that if it wasn’t happening at this exact moment there was nothing they could do about checking what may have gone wrong. What was suggested was that they have an employee drive my car for a week to see if it happens again. WHAT?!?!

So Mr. John decided he would drive my car for a week to see if it shuts down again. With this in mind he thought he would take it to our local automotive shop and have the overdue oil changed.

Well. Well. Well.

If we thought my car was a hazard because of the power outage incident, then we definitely were made aware during the ‘standard oil check’ that I was not just driving a car that was possibly a hazard on the road, but it was a definite death trap.

Turns out that the front tires were worn down on the inside (where you can’t see them) to almost metal, an indicator that there is an alignment problem – not to mention the tire situation all by itself.

So there you go.

A thoughtful reminder from God that He is always in control.

If not for the power outage, Mr. John would never have had my car, therefore my car would not have found it’s way to the automotive shop where we found the tire/alignment deficits. The local automotive shop is keeping our car overnight to replace the tires, do an alignment, and do a thorough check on what may have caused the power to go out.

Yesterday our family was giving thanks for what could have happened but didn’t. Today we are giving thanks for what did happen and what God made sure didn’t.

Praise God for his thoughtful reminders and his subtle miracles.

The weather today in my neck of the woods:

A bit chilly this morning with the smell of smoke in the air. They’re clearing yet more land around here which is disturbing.

A simple pleasure:

Running into my mom while shopping and having a great conversation with her.

I am thankful:

That the Fall Semester is winding down and that my counseling obligations are heading into ‘holiday’ mode.

From the kitchen:

Okay, so Mr. John keeps reminding me that my before Halloween promise of his favorite “Sour Cream Pound Cake” has now been placed in a queue behind the Pineapple Upside Down Cake he requested shortly after Thanksgiving. The ingredients were placed by the stove with best intentions but I got tired of looking at them and put them in the cupboard. Sigh. Will I never get this cooking thing?

I was in a thrift shop yesterday and found some cute kitchen curtains. While standing in line to pay for them, the woman in front of me commented on how pretty they were. I replied that just looking at them made me happy and if I had to spend time in the kitchen I certainly wanted to have a reason to be happy in there. (smile)

From the learning rooms:

Okay, so Math is not one of my strong points and the nut (hee…hee..) does not fall too far from the tree.

Miss Sam and I are done with Math. At least until the need for it raises its ugly head once again – like trying to get into college – which being non-college bound is a thought that is beginning to creep into my once ‘college is the only alternative’ mindset.

But I digress…I do that when I begin to talk about math, Freud would say it was a defense mechanism, hmmmmm….like denial perhaps. Now, you are talking MY language.

So, Miss Sam is back in Florida Virtual School with plans for dual enrollment put on the furthest back burner we could realistically find, which where math is concerned that would preferably be back into the next galaxy.

Doing happy dance about no math.

Currently Reading:

A Clash of the Kings. Great series. Can’t wait for more time to spend reading it!!

On My Mind:

Starting the revision process on the first draft of my first (!!!) novel. I think its more exciting than writing the novel was.

“First draft is really just about telling a story; the second draft is about writing a novel.”

Creative Projects:

See above.

Sorting through the two briefcases my mom gave me (my Dad’s and my Uncle’s) to continue my work on the family history.

Revamping my ‘lesson’ plans for Spring semester. Yes, I consider this a creative project – thankfully we are permitted to be creative  with our lectures at our college and for that I am unbelievably grateful.

Hearth and Home:

With the move of Miss Sam’s computer from the main living area to her bedroom ( OMG – did Mr. John and I really say THAT was okay???) – the house appears to be less disorganized and yucky. (Sorry Miss Sam, but its true).

Our only concern is that we may never see Miss Sam again.

I smile:

Because Miss Sam has been, not only a great inspiration, but also the best supporter of my efforts at not only attempting my first novel but completing it. Thank you baby girl!!!!!

Inspirational Thought I’m Sharing:

“The Bible is constantly relevant, never anchored to the lifestyle of a particular era.” Charles Swindoll

Picture Thought I am sharing:

Miss Sam captured this on our way home from telling her math tutor ” a dieu”. Just saying that it looks mighty possible that God was putting His stamp on a certain decision.

What say you????

Last day of Fall semester classes today. Gotta run.

One of my greatest simple pleasures is to browse through thrift shops. Not the franchise ones like Goodwill or Salvation Army, but the more charitable ones. The shops that provide a variety of ministries to those that are in need. The ones that can only afford a small hole in the wall because all their profits are truly used to minister to the needs of others. The ones that are dusty and cramped and full of treasures to be recycled. These are the types of  ’thrift stores’ that I love.

When I set foot into these stores I am on the lookout for all things unique for my garden and obscure books that no one loves anymore.

Last week I picked up a book because it was small, it was old, and I could not read the title or author unless I picked it up and held it close. These are the ones that I usually find are ‘keepers’, and this one did not disappoint.

It is a small treasure by one of my favorite (again with the favorite!) authors, Henri J.M. Nouwen. The title of the book is “Making All Things New: An Invitation to the Spiritual Life“‘.

This morning I wasn’t motivated to dive into my current ‘quiet time’ book so I picked up “Making All Things New: An Invitation to the Spiritual Life” from my side table and began reading the words of  Henri J. M. Nouwen.

The following is part of the conclusion based on the first chapter of the book. I am genuinely compelled to share it with you. I don’t want to paraphrase the content as I am fearful that it will lose its impact, so with great respect for Mr. Nouwen’s God given ability to meet people where they are and lead them to the one person that can give them what they long for, I will gladly share with you what I read this morning. To understand how timeless this treasure is, keep in mind that it was written in 1981:

“Today worrying means to be occupied and preoccupied with many things, while at the same time being bored, resentful, depressed and very lonely. I am not trying to say that all of us are worried in such an extreme way all the time. Yet, there is little doubt in my mind that the experience of being filled yet unfulfilled touches most of us to some degree at some time. In our highly technological and competitive world, it is hard to avoid completely the forces which fill up our inner and outer space and disconnect us from our innermost selves, our fellow human beings, and our God.

One of the most notable characteristics of worrying is that it fragments our lives. The many things to do, to think about, to plan for, the many people to remember, to visit, or to talk with, the many causes to attack or defend, all these pull us apart and make us lose our center. Worrying causes us to be “all over the place,” but seldom at home. One way to express the spiritual crisis of our time is to say that most of us have an address but cannot be found there. We know where we belong, but we keep being pulled away in many directions, as if we were still homeless. “All these other things” keep demanding out attention. They lead us so far from home that we eventually forget our true address, that is, the place where we can be addressed.

Jesus responds to this condition of being filled yet unfulfilled, very busy yet unconnected, all over the place yet never at home. He wants to bring us to the place where we belong. But his call to live a spiritual life can only be heard when we are willing honestly to confess our own homeless and worrying existence and recognize its fragmenting effect on our daily life. Only then can a desire for our true home develop. It is of this desire that Jesus speaks when he says, “Do not worry…Set your hearts on his kingdom first…and all these other things will be given you as well.”  Henri J.M. Nouwen from Making All Things New:An Invitation to the Spiritual Life

Doesn’t that just make you want to forget to go to work and spend the day reading the rest of the book?  It does me. Catch y’all later, I have some more reading to do.

Hope you can separate yourself from your busyness for a moment and check out the Henri Nouwen Society webpage. Let me know what you think.

No worries,

Thanksgiving afternoon, Miss Sam became a full fledged member of the Panic Disorder Club. If you have never experienced a panic attack, nothing I could write here would help you to understand this debilitating disorder. If you are a member of this club, there is no need to underscore the fact that it is terrifying, both for the individual experiencing one and for those that love them.

When I first realized what Miss Sam was spiraling into Thanksgiving afternoon, I became thankful that I am a long standing member of this alarming club. Although I was limited in my ability to help (as those who know someone with Panic Disorder can testify), I was able, through my personal experience, to implement a few “homegrown” techniques that helped at that particular moment to diffuse her symptoms into a more manageable state.

Later that evening however, Miss Sam had a second panic attack which required her to go to the emergency room. One of the unique and complicating factors of Miss Sam experiencing a panic attack is that it co-occurs with an asthma attack. This made it difficult for even the attending physician to determine an effective plan of action. Because of this, the physician was very thorough with tests and treatment. For that we are very grateful.

Miss Sam is doing much better. Mr. John stayed home with her yesterday while I went to Cedar Key on a photo field trip. Today Miss Sam requested her own “photo field trip” to her beloved wild life park, where just for today she wants to be a “tourist”.

Miss Sam and I have both chosen to not be medicated for this disorder. I, because of my years of personal experience, already have my own management plan in place. Today, by getting Miss Sam behind the camera lens again, we are going to start a path toward developing what will be her own management plan. We both know that what works for me may not work for her, but it gives us a starting point.

Thinking back on the experiences of the past few days I recall some wise words that I read recently written by one of my favorite authors (I know, I have soooo many) Charles Swindoll:

“I have found great help from two truths God gave me at a time in my life when I was bombarded with a series of unexpected and unfair (from my perspective) blows. In my darkest hours these principles become my anchor of stability, my only means of survival.

…Because they worked for me, I pass them on to you…

Nothing touches me that has not passed through the hands of my heavenly Father. Nothing. Whatever occurs, God has sovereignly surveyed and approved. We may not know why (we may never know why), but we do know our pain is no accident to Him who guides our lives. He is, in no way, surprised by it all. Before it ever touches us, it passes through Him.

Everything I endure is designed to prepare me for serving others more effectively. Everything. Since my heavenly Father is committed to shaping me into the image of His Son, He knows the ultimate value of this painful experience. It is a necessary part of the preparation process. It is being used to empty our hands of our own resources, our own sufficiency, and turn us back to Him – the faithful Provider. And God knows what will get through to us. Charles Swindoll, from Improving Your Serve.

Hope everyone survived Black Friday!!!

“Stop thinking you can’t do things and start thinking you can. It’s important to eliminate negatives from your vocabulary, especially the word “can’t”. When you begin to think positively, you will find yourself attempting and succeeding at more things. Remember by eliminating the negatives you will let the positives come through.” Quote from a counseling poster, author unknown.

We know that what is engraved on our hearts, makes its way to our minds and then to our mouths. Therefore I have searched for scripture that will help solidify that “can do” attitude on your heart so that it may manifest itself in your mind, in your words, in your life.

1. For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4
2. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
3. Be strong and take heart; all you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24
4. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
5. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:56
6. Prove by the way you live that you have really turned from your sins and turned to God. Matthew 3:8
7. The father instantly replied, “I do believe, but help me not to doubt.” Mark 9:24
8. The Lord guided them by a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night. That way they could travel whether it was day or night. Exodus 13:21
9. Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Philippians 2:5
10. Don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to him than a whole flock of sparrows. Matthew 10:31
11. “You didn’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I assure you, even if you had faith as small as a mustard seed you could say to this mountain, ‘move from here to there’, and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” Matthew 17:20
12. Keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks. Matthew 7:7-8
13. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
14. Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. Isaiah 43:18
15. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your case like the noonday sun. Psalm 37:4-6
16. Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3