Thanksgiving afternoon, Miss Sam became a full fledged member of the Panic Disorder Club. If you have never experienced a panic attack, nothing I could write here would help you to understand this debilitating disorder. If you are a member of this club, there is no need to underscore the fact that it is terrifying, both for the individual experiencing one and for those that love them.

When I first realized what Miss Sam was spiraling into Thanksgiving afternoon, I became thankful that I am a long standing member of this alarming club. Although I was limited in my ability to help (as those who know someone with Panic Disorder can testify), I was able, through my personal experience, to implement a few “homegrown” techniques that helped at that particular moment to diffuse her symptoms into a more manageable state.

Later that evening however, Miss Sam had a second panic attack which required her to go to the emergency room. One of the unique and complicating factors of Miss Sam experiencing a panic attack is that it co-occurs with an asthma attack. This made it difficult for even the attending physician to determine an effective plan of action. Because of this, the physician was very thorough with tests and treatment. For that we are very grateful.

Miss Sam is doing much better. Mr. John stayed home with her yesterday while I went to Cedar Key on a photo field trip. Today Miss Sam requested her own “photo field trip” to her beloved wild life park, where just for today she wants to be a “tourist”.

Miss Sam and I have both chosen to not be medicated for this disorder. I, because of my years of personal experience, already have my own management plan in place. Today, by getting Miss Sam behind the camera lens again, we are going to start a path toward developing what will be her own management plan. We both know that what works for me may not work for her, but it gives us a starting point.

Thinking back on the experiences of the past few days I recall some wise words that I read recently written by one of my favorite authors (I know, I have soooo many) Charles Swindoll:

“I have found great help from two truths God gave me at a time in my life when I was bombarded with a series of unexpected and unfair (from my perspective) blows. In my darkest hours these principles become my anchor of stability, my only means of survival.

…Because they worked for me, I pass them on to you…

Nothing touches me that has not passed through the hands of my heavenly Father. Nothing. Whatever occurs, God has sovereignly surveyed and approved. We may not know why (we may never know why), but we do know our pain is no accident to Him who guides our lives. He is, in no way, surprised by it all. Before it ever touches us, it passes through Him.

Everything I endure is designed to prepare me for serving others more effectively. Everything. Since my heavenly Father is committed to shaping me into the image of His Son, He knows the ultimate value of this painful experience. It is a necessary part of the preparation process. It is being used to empty our hands of our own resources, our own sufficiency, and turn us back to Him – the faithful Provider. And God knows what will get through to us. Charles Swindoll, from Improving Your Serve.

Hope everyone survived Black Friday!!!

“Stop thinking you can’t do things and start thinking you can. It’s important to eliminate negatives from your vocabulary, especially the word “can’t”. When you begin to think positively, you will find yourself attempting and succeeding at more things. Remember by eliminating the negatives you will let the positives come through.” Quote from a counseling poster, author unknown.

We know that what is engraved on our hearts, makes its way to our minds and then to our mouths. Therefore I have searched for scripture that will help solidify that “can do” attitude on your heart so that it may manifest itself in your mind, in your words, in your life.

1. For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4
2. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
3. Be strong and take heart; all you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24
4. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
5. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:56
6. Prove by the way you live that you have really turned from your sins and turned to God. Matthew 3:8
7. The father instantly replied, “I do believe, but help me not to doubt.” Mark 9:24
8. The Lord guided them by a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night. That way they could travel whether it was day or night. Exodus 13:21
9. Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Philippians 2:5
10. Don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to him than a whole flock of sparrows. Matthew 10:31
11. “You didn’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I assure you, even if you had faith as small as a mustard seed you could say to this mountain, ‘move from here to there’, and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” Matthew 17:20
12. Keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks. Matthew 7:7-8
13. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
14. Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. Isaiah 43:18
15. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your case like the noonday sun. Psalm 37:4-6
16. Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3

I was looking through the book section of one of my favorite second hand stores and came up with another gem of a book. I started reading the first chapter while waiting for Miss Sam to find her way out of the Play and Trade Video Game store. It made such an impact on me that I feel compelled to share much of what I read:

“We live in an era of growing tension. The tempo of modern life is not conducive to rest and relaxation, and man is afflicted with many lurking fears and uncertainties that our forefathers never knew. This is partly because man’s little community has been widened to take in the whole world. Daily he hears of happenings in lands across the seas….and he is made to feel that these things sooner or later will most certainly affect his security and peace.

Besides concern for these things abroad he feels the impact of changes that are taking place all about him. Nothing seems to be stable. Government, business, labor, society – all are being affected by revolutionary ideas. We are told that most of man’s inner conflicts come from his feeling of insecurity. No wonder then that one writer states that modern man is “stricken by psychic anxieties, cloven by emotional conflicts, beset by economic insecurities, assailed by political doubts and cynicisms.”

The growing quest for peace of mind is a most significant phase of modern life. This is evidenced in the large number of books and magazine articles on this subject appearing in recent years. A cursory glance at best-seller nonfiction books indicates a definite trend in this direction. Such titles as Peace of Mind, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Making Our Minds Behave, How Sane Are You? A Guide to Confident Living, Road to Survival, Peace of Soul, The Mature Mind, Don’t Be Afraid, reveal a widespread desire for tranquillity and inner peace in these uncertain and chaotic times.

… The More They Stay The Same…..

I didn’t find this in a book written this year. I didn’t find this in a book written during the past five years. In fact, I didn’t find this in a book written even in this decade.

The previous words were written in a book titled Thoughts of Peace by Frederick Lee in the year 1950. Yes, you read that correctly…..1950. Yet it sounds like it could have been written yesterday.

Frederick Lee goes on to write:

If man is to have peace, he must have something to make him feel both important and secure. One cannot by only a word say to his fears, “Begone,” and then find release. He needs to know that there is One greater than himself who cares, upon whom he can call for help that will not fail. He needs a refuge sure and steadfast to which he can go for shelter. This is no flight from reality, no escape from the issues of life. It is rather the finding of solid ground upon which to stand and face life with courage when all about is only shifting sand.

How about you? Are you searching for balance, for peace, for a refuge from our plugged in lifestyles? The answer is just a relationship away.

The weather today in my neck of the woods:

It is absolutely beautiful out this morning. A cool 60 degrees! A great day to work out in the back gardens and continue getting them ready for winter since it’s too windy today to go fishing.

A simple pleasure:

Enjoying the Stone Crab Jam with a glass of mulled wine in one hand a a crab cake in the other. The wine is made by a former colleague of mine at the college who left academia behind to start the Copp Winery five years ago and its had great success. I can attest to that. I enjoyed my mulled wine so much that I bought a bag of the spices to take home. The holidays may be a blur but a delightfully tasteful blur.

I am thankful:

That my house is an absolute mess. It’s a grand indicator that my priorities are straight.

From the kitchen:

Ummm. This would also fall into the category of  ”a grand indicator that my priorities are straight”. Nothing, zip, nada is going on in the kitchen. Except maybe the special requests by Miss Sam for my secret recipe scrambled eggs. That would be putting them in the skillet and scrambling them by the way.

From the learning rooms:

Hopefully we have FINALLY found a solution to Sam’s mathematical difficulties. My mom plays bridge with a former Algebra teacher and he has offered to tutor Miss Sam. All in God’s timing I say.

Just finished reading:

Nothing.

I know this doesn’t sound like me.

Is something going on you may ask?

Yes, yes, and yes. I am currently working my way through the writing of my first novel.

Currently Reading:

Again, nothing. Unless you count all the Florida history books I am consuming in order to have Grace Notes (working title of my novel) be as realistic as possible.

On My Mind:

My dirty house and my empty refrigerator. Ah well. December will come along before you know it. And hopefully those things will still not have been attended to as I hope to be revising the first draft of my first novel Yahoo!!!

Creative Projects:

Finishing up on my second writing course.

Did I mention WRITING MY FIRST NOVEL….hee….hee.

Hearth and Home:

Loving the smell of Airwick’s Glistening Cinnamon Rolls scented oils since no one is actually baking in the kitchen these days or cleaning the house. Did I mention that??

I smile:

Inspirational Thought I’m Sharing:

Well, I digress. I am reading something, but I never count my quiet time readings as “reading”. Having finished Charles Swindoll’s wonderful Great Lives from God’s Word series I am now reading his book Improving Your Serve. Although there are many inspirational treasures in this book I will share just one for today:

“There are eight character traits that identify true servanthood. When all eight are mixed together in a life, balance emerges….These traits open the door to inner happiness….attached to each character trait is a corresponding promise.” Charles Swindoll

The character traits that C. Swindoll is referring to are the traits that are in the Beatitudes.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when men revile you, and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely, on account of Me.

Rejoice, and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you” (Matt. 5:1-12)

The Beatitudes – For A Balanced Life (Paraphrased from C. Swindoll’s Book)

We need to have a deep abiding dependency on the Lord

We are to care intensely for the hurts and sorrows and losses of others

We are to be calm and peaceful when surrounded by a heated atmosphere, emitting a soothing effect on those who may be angry or otherwise beside themselves, and possessing tact and gracious courtesy that causes others to retain their self-esteem and dignity

We are to have an insatiable appetite for God for what is right; a passionate drive for justice and we find that in having a close relationship with God

We are to have concern for people in need and give much encouragement – care; we are to get involved and minister to the miserable

We are to do the right things for the right reasons

We are to actively pursue peace; build people up; watch your tongue; heal don’t hurt; be slow to anger; be humble and trusting.

Amen.

Picture Thoughts I am sharing:

Mr. J and I went to the Crystal River Stone Crab Jam late yesterday afternoon. We didn’t stay too very long, but had a wonderful time. What are Stone Crabs you may ask??? Although we couldn’t afford the $20 for 1/4 of  a pound, I did ask a couple if I could take a picture of their plate (I am so used to people looking at me like I’m crazed that requests like this are just second nature to me now) and voila….here is what Stone Crabs look like:

and guess who was there….my heart throb…Johnny Depp…okay so not IRL but I did learn that his parents live only five minutes from us!!!!! Small world, eh?

and here is where the Stone Crab Jam was held…on our beautiful Crystal River:

and here is the perfect ending to a perfect Stone Crab Jam….that beautiful Florida Sunset:

Okay, got a busy day ahead. No I didn’t make myself feel guilty about my housekeeping inadequacies….I need to write about 5,000 words today for my novel….Addie is quite the busy lady!!!!

Enjoy this marvelous fall weather we are having!!! I hope to be in the backyard gardens later today!

Not even close to having my outline tweaked, or should I say…..complete…but that didn’t stop me from going up in the attic this afternoon to bring down the lamps that were on the dresser of my Aunt Mary (my father’s sister and a writer). For about two weeks I have been fussing over the decision on what could be my ‘talisman’ as I head into successfully writing a 50,000 word draft of my first novel in one month. All great writers have one. It could be a lucky hat, a worry stone, a gold thong…oops sorry, that’s baseball. And this morning it hit me….while searching through my underwear drawer and coming up zip on the thong. My Aunt’s room in the Batog family homestead was my place. It was my sanctuary. It was special…as was my aunt. So up into the attic I went and here they are….placed reverently on either side of my computer. My aunt wrote her poetry on her Remington typewriter (which my mom has)….how fun to know that she is peeking down from heaven watching me type my first novel on a “new fangled thingamajig” guided by the light of her dresser lamps (which my father lovingly re-wired several years ago). A better ‘talisman’ I cannot think of.

Let the craziness begin.

This will be my first year participating in NaNoWriMo. I have followed it for several years and now I feel I am ready to take on the challenge. Not that I have had much of a choice. Addie Grace has gone from whispering in my ear that she wants her story told to presently shouting at full volume. I need to explore what she has to say or I will either go deaf or crazy or both.

This morning I was reading yet another book on writing the ‘great American novel’ and there were five questions that the writer suggested a ‘budding novelist’ answer. Unable to resist the challenge of delving deeper into my writer’s soul I took a swing at answering them.

1. Am I ready for this? Yeppers. Not confident that I have the talent in conceptualizing the whole story or have honed the craft enough to put it down on paper in coherent form…but how will I ever know I can do it if I don’t jump right in and give it a shot. Right? Right!
2. What is my story about? It’s about a woman, Addie Grace, who gets blindsided in mid-life via her immersion into her family history. ‘Nuff said….I don’t want to give much away or you won’t buy the book. He…He…
3. Do I know who my characters are? Oh boy do I…stacks and stacks of yellow legal pads are just itching to come to life….I just need to breathe a little harder for them to take form and pop off the page. I introduced them here.
4. Do I know the genre? Realistic Fiction. Done.
5. Am I excited about the story I’m going to tell? Did you not read the title of this post?????? Yes. I am excited. Addie Grace, as mentioned previously, is DEMANDING my attention and her story is keeping me up at night. I hope that I will be able to ride the ups and downs of this journey and remember the passions of the ‘honeymoon’ stage when I  am knee deep into the routine of this writing ‘relationship’.

Did I pass the “Are you ready to write a novel?” test?

Oh, I don’t know, but it sure feels like it.

Perhaps that explains my anticipation in attending the ‘kick off’ event at our local library today for NaNoWriMo. There is some nervousness built into that anticipation because I will be making the commitment IN FRONT of REAL people. Not just spouting words on a blog. Yet nervousness is a good motivator as taking the first step will relieve some of the anxiety.

Wish me luck on this new journey. Will keep you posted on my progress.

Thanks to Dylan Newton for her encouragement this past weekend at the Local Author Fair. You’re the best!!!

My blog post for September 5, 2009:

“With the first week of the Fall Semester behind me…the groundwork set for the new counseling year…Sam’s high school curriculum in place…I still feel a tad bit overwhelmed but I am looking forward to the loooooonnnng weekend to bring what I can back into a manageable state…so I can carve out some time to spend on my other passions.”  

The More They Stay The Same.

Here it is 2011 and the above statement written two years ago is pretty much the same with minor differences. I’m still teaching (always my #1 passion) and have inspired my students to start our college’s first Psychology Club which means I am their adviser. I took a two year break from counseling and made the decision to return this year with the possibility of having an office in my county. Rather than having a high school curriculum in place we are looking ahead to Sam’s college curriculum (just have to increase those College Placement Test math scores!!). And the passions….well if you refer back to the original post my passions have been narrowed down. A LOT.

Although I still grab my camera and go every now and then the dream of getting it ‘out there’ has been on the back burner for a year or so now. And scrapbooking? That has been resisting urges to just pack it all up and and go all digital. Yet for now, to the back burner it goes.

Now let’s talk about writing. That’s where all my muses have been meeting leaving very little time for much else.

Writing has become so much of an obsession that even my Daybooks here on my blog have become neglected….now WHAT is with that????? Isn’t my blog where I write?? If you could see the piles of yellow legal pads (both used and unused) you would begin to understand the direction that I have been moving. At warp speed…or so it seems at times.

It started with the idea of Addie Grace. Remember her? I introduced her here. It was there that the proverbial snowball rolled out of control and turned into an avalanche. With one writing course under my belt and halfway into the second one, I am finding I may have to buy my legal pads warehouse style.

Addie Grace now has a whole cast of characters joining her:

Kayden: the husband

Tobi: the daughter

Piper: the best friend

Jake and Celia: the parents

Ryder, Mickie, Darby, and Morgan: the siblings.

And that’s all I’m sharing. But I do intend to be back here more frequently to share other areas that I am exploring. I hope to see you back here soon.